You're getting divorced? Good news – your emotional well-being matters too.
The legal side of divorce can feel like the most important thing. It's complicated and expensive, and you want it to go your way. Meanwhile, your emotional well-being tends to take a backseat. And that's a mistake.
FACT: Your mental health matters during divorce, both for getting through the process and for moving on with your life. When you don't take care of your head, divorce has a way of tearing you down and taking everything with it.
Evidence? A recent study found divorced people have a 23% higher mortality rate than married people. If you're not emotionally devastated by divorce, you're a unicorn.
In this article, we cover:
- The Reality of the Emotional Toll of Divorce
- Why Professional Help Makes All the Difference
- Creating a Support Network When You Need It Most
- Professional Help That Actually Works
The Reality of the Emotional Toll of Divorce
Did you know this?
Getting a divorce is the second most stressful life event you can go through. (The first? The death of a spouse. So there's that.)
The emotional turmoil of divorce hits you from all angles:
- Grief and loss (even if you're the one who wanted it)
- Identity confusion (who are you without a spouse?)
- Financial anxiety (what are you going to do?)
- Co-parenting stress (if you have children)
- Social isolation (losing friends and support)
But here's what most people don't know.
The emotional pain you feel during and after divorce is completely normal. It's not a sign of weakness or emotional instability. Your brain is wired to experience these painful emotions because you're going through a huge life change.
The difference between coping and drowning is learning how to manage these emotions without being consumed by them.
Why Professional Help Makes All the Difference
This may seem obvious to some, but most people who get divorced don't get professional help. They figure they can tough it out alone.
It's the worst possible approach.
Seeking help from divorce legal services and therapy professionals will give you a significant advantage. Let's face it, when you're going through a divorce, your brain is barely capable of handling the emotions, let alone the complex legal decisions. So having a skilled divorce lawyer in Salt Lake City or a Salt Lake City divorce paralegal to handle the legal minutiae while you focus on what matters most – taking care of your emotional well-being – makes a huge difference.
FACT: Research has shown professional divorce therapy to have impressive success rates in treating divorce-related mental health conditions. Emotionally Focused Therapy, for example, has been shown to have a 70-73% success rate in helping people process divorce-related emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Bottom line? Commit to getting professional help and you've got a very good chance of coming out the other side stronger than you were before.
Creating a Support Network When You Need It Most
The thing that most surprises people?
Divorce changes your social circle. Friends will disappear, some will take sides, and even family dynamics shift.
A strong support network of people who you know have your back can mean the difference between falling apart or picking yourself back up.
Immediate support options:
- Close family members who remain neutral
- Trusted friends who can listen without judgment
- Divorce support groups near you
- Online communities and forums
- Counselors, therapists, and support professionals
The one support network mistake people make?
Expecting one person (or even two) to be your go-to shoulder for all of your emotional needs. That's a lot of pressure to put on any relationship.
Instead, build a web of support. Different people can fulfill different needs in your support network: someone you can just vent to, someone for practical advice, someone for getting out of the house and having fun.
Professional Help That Actually Works
Not all therapy is equal. Here's what you want to look for when seeking professional help during and after divorce.
Individual Therapy
Individual therapy is focused on your specific emotional needs. A therapist will help you work through grief, loss of identity, and develop coping mechanisms for the stress and anxiety that comes with divorce.
Divorce Coaching
Divorce coaches help you navigate the divorce process with less stress and more clarity, make better decisions under pressure, and manage the co-parenting challenges divorce presents.
Support Groups
Support groups connect you with others who are going through (or have gone through) a similar situation. This provides you with an added layer of accountability and hope.
Self-Care Strategies for Divorce
Self-care can sound a little silly to some people. But done right, it's an absolutely critical part of maintaining (and protecting) your emotional well-being during a divorce.
Self-care isn't bubble baths and face masks (though those are totally fine too). Self-care during a divorce is taking intentional actions to protect your mental and physical health.
Daily self-care basics:
- Sleep
- Eat Regular, Nutritious Meals
- Exercise Regularly (just walking counts)
- Moderate Alcohol Consumption
- Avoid Drugs
Weekly self-care essentials:
- Schedule "Something Fun" on your calendar
- Reach Out to a Friend or Family Member
- Get in Nature
- Practice Relaxation Techniques
The self-care trap to avoid?
Splurging on a "self-care" day out or weekend getaway as a way of avoiding the hard work of emotional healing. Self-care is only a trap if you're using it as a rationalization for impulsive decisions that don't actually support your long-term well-being.
Managing Specific Emotional Challenges
Divorce is messy and there are certain emotional challenges that come with it.
The following sections cover some of these emotional challenges and offer strategies for managing them.
Dealing with Anger
Anger is natural. It's also dangerous to let anger stew inside you during a divorce.
Hit the gym, write in a journal, and talk to a therapist about healthy ways to process your anger.
Processing Grief
Divorce grief works the same way as other types of grief. It comes in stages. Allow yourself to feel sad. Don't rush the healing. If you get stuck, grief counseling can help.
Handling Anxiety about the Future
Take control of what you can. Make a practical plan for big concerns (budget, housing, etc.). Practice mindfulness meditation to handle uncertainty anxiety.
Protecting Your Children's Emotional Well-Being
If you have kids, their emotional well-being is also part of your divorce challenge.
Tips for supporting your kids:
- Keep Adult Issues Away from Children
- Provide as Much Routine as Possible
- Talk to Kids About Changes in an Age-Appropriate Way
- Consider Family or Child Counseling
- Put Kids First, Always
Kids have the power to make you snap out of your own head more than anything else. Taking care of their emotional well-being will help you, too.
Moving Forward with Confidence
The divorce process is over eventually. (The emotional lessons you learned? Those last a lifetime.)
Building confidence for your new future starts with small steps:
- Set Achievable Goals
- Celebrate the Small Wins
- Build Financial Independence
- Create a Vision for Your New Life
The biggest mistake people make in moving forward?
Waiting until they "feel better" before starting to move on with their life. Confidence comes from action, not from waiting for your emotions to magically sort themselves out.
Move one small step at a time. But move forward, always.
Wrap-Up
Your emotional well-being is just as important as the legal side of divorce. If you don't take care of your mental health, everything else falls apart.
Professional support, a strong support network, and self-care are the three critical elements that provide the foundation for emotional recovery from divorce. Don't expect a linear recovery and know setbacks are part of the process.
Take care of your emotional well-being during and after divorce, and you're not just surviving the end of a marriage. You're building the framework for the next stage of your life so you can make it better and happier than the last.
The most important takeaway?
You don't have to do it alone. Professional support, a strong support network, and taking care of yourself aren't luxuries during divorce, they're a necessity if you want to build the life you want on the other side.
